She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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