Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
