i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize