My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
