Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
