I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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