Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
