apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
