On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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