well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
