Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
