I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
