shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize