I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
