The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
