you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
