I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
