hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
