He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
