8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
