can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
