Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
