oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
