I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
