fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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