I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
