you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
