remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
