Pants 0. Shit 1.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
