i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
