i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
