I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
