I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
