If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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