It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
