In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
