i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
