I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
