every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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