Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
