My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
