The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
