Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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