whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
