Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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