The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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