I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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