...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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