I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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