apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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