That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
