but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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