hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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