Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
