She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
