I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
