Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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