Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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