I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
