Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The Olympian is in my bed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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