Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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