I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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