I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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