dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
