Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
