You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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