Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
